Dear Mr. Michael Fassbender,
I hope you are doing well. I would like to formally offer my hand in marriage. As dowry I can offer several bottles of vodka; my very extensive iTunes collection; Schmoogie (my sister’s cat); almost $100 in savings; and an electric piano.
If you get back to me in the next 24 hours I will also throw in a carton of Ben & Jerry’s, but you’ll have to act fast.
P.S. I am okay with having sister wives.