Letters to Celebrities: Michael Fassbender

Schmoogie, left, and Ethel; photo credit: E.C. Smith

Schmoogie, left, and Ethel; photo credit: E.C. Smith

Dear Mr. Michael Fassbender,

I hope you are doing well. I would like to formally offer my hand in marriage. As dowry I can offer several bottles of vodka; my very extensive iTunes collection; Schmoogie (my sister’s cat); almost $100 in savings; and an electric piano.

If you get back to me in the next 24 hours I will also throw in a carton of Ben & Jerry’s, but you’ll have to act fast.

Yours truly,

Lauryn Hamlen

P.S. I am okay with having sister wives.

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